A Dancers Lens

Dance Stuff Everyone Should Know

Answers to the questions you should be asking.

Sep 29, 2026 · @Stew

I've been teaching and dancing for more than 40 years. In that time, I've noticed something. Most people don't know what questions to ask about learning to dance and social dancing. They ask about classes and prices. What they really need is a good entry point that sets them up for success.

So let's talk about that. This is like a starter pack for your dancing, and a few things I wish someone had told me along the way. One quick note: I'm talking about social dances here, the kind people dance in the wild. Ballroom is its own world, and we'll get to it in other articles.

You're not too old, and you're not too late

Here's the first thing I want you to hear: street and social dances are ageless.

Almost all of them are infinitely scalable to your own mobility. That means there's almost always an entry point for where you are today, in the body you have today. You don't have to be young. You don't have to be flexible. You don't have to have "rhythm" already. You just have to start where you are.

Where people actually dance now

I think there are more options for social and street dancing today than ever before. But in a way, a lot of it has gone underground.

You won't always find it in the bars, clubs and supper clubs where it lived in days gone by. It's moved to events that people design and build by hand, usually pointed at one style: hustle, West Coast Swing, house dancing. Or it lives in clubs built around it, like the honky-tonks where country dancing happens all over the US.

What's nice is that whether you're dancing with a partner or by yourself, there are a lot of ways to express yourself that are easy, fun and safe. The goal is to find a community where you feel comfortable doing it.

Start with the music you love

Sometimes it's hard to know what you should be learning. Which dance is right for you? Which style?

The easiest way I know to answer that is to ask yourself: What music do I like? What music makes me want to move?

Then ask where dancing shows up in your life, or where you'd like it to. Special events? Corporate events? Maybe you go to 10 weddings a year. Maybe your family gatherings always end with everybody dancing, and you're the one who doesn't feel like you fit in.

And ask what kind of dancer you want to be. Do you want to dance with a partner? Or do you want to feel comfortable on a floor full of people all doing their own thing, freestyle, maybe mixing in some breaking, popping and locking, or hip hop? Do you love country music? What kind of country?

Your answers fill in the blanks. The music you love points to the dance you'll love.

If I were going to start dancing today, I'd start with basic movement, West Coast Swing, Country Two-Step and Country Swing. And if you really want to cover all your bases, salsa. There are plenty of other things you can learn, but I think those are a great starting point.

What learning to dance really means

Learning to dance is not about learning patterns or combos.

Patterns, combos, choreography: those are just a delivery system. They're something we can put our technique and our philosophy on. The real work is learning to transform them into your own style and your own expression. Can you take a pattern apart? Can you put it back together a different way? Can you change the ending?

That's what improv is. It's not doing moves you've memorized, the same way improv theater isn't reciting lines you already know. It's having a conversation, one that's connected to the music that's playing and to the opportunities and inspiration your partner gives you.

So where do you start? Two places:

1. Basic music structure. How many beats are in a bar of music? What is a bar, anyway? What does it mean when someone says "quick" or "slow," or counts "1, 2, 3, 4"? The free videos in the dance library cover exactly this, and they're a great place to start.

2. Moving your body through space. Learning to get from place to place, and to move parts of your body, so you can turn what you hear into motion, and so your body can talk to a partner.

Finding the right teacher for you

Part of learning to dance better is finding the right teachers for you.

Not every teacher's information is going to land. You'll listen, you'll watch, and sometimes it just won't stick to your system. That's not a failure on anyone's part. It's a fit issue.

Here's what I'd look for:

• A teaching style that works for how you learn. When it's right, you'll feel it click.

• A safe place to ask questions. You should never feel dumb for asking.

• Clear explanations, and more than one way to say the same thing. If the first explanation doesn't land, a good teacher has three more.

• Someone who helps you find your own individuality. Social dancing is about becoming your kind of dancer. A good coach helps you figure out what you prefer and don't prefer, first in your own dancing, then in your partners.

And if you're worried you'll be bad and people will judge you, hear this: at the beginning, you're neither bad nor good. You're learning. Give yourself the grace to take that trip. As adults, we forget it's okay to fail, but failing is how we get better.

A good teacher will care about your learning. They'll give you as long as you need to absorb the material and get it into your body. And they'll probably repeat the same thing 20 times, because all of us as adults need that repetition to make an improvement stick.

Finding your people

Every dance community has its own personality, just like a neighborhood or a small town. And inside that community there are smaller groups of people, and one of them will probably match who you are.

So part of this journey is finding your people within a bigger community. The other part is understanding that each community has its own etiquette and its own ways of doing things. When you walk in, pay attention to that. Watch how people ask, how they thank each other, how they share the floor. It'll tell you a lot.

Your first class

Do you need a partner? No. Most places encourage you to come with or without one. In a class you attend in person, be ready to rotate partners. That's normal, and it's one of the best ways to learn. Online, it doesn't matter at all: you learn your part, and we'll talk about how to do it and give you examples of how it should feel. And for solo dancing, you never need a partner. You just need music and a place to move.

What happens when you walk in? Usually there's some kind of registration. Then most teachers give a short intro: who they are and what they're teaching that day. From there, they'll introduce the movements in an easy-to-digest breakdown. Start here, do these things, move to the first section, then the second, and so on.

The personal stuff nobody mentions. You're going to be close to other people for 45

minutes to an hour. A workshop or intensive can run a couple of hours. At an event, it might be all day with short breaks. So:

• Bring a change of T-shirt and a sweat towel.

• Bring deodorant, and use it.

• Check your dental hygiene.

• Skip the strong perfume or cologne. You'll leave it on every person you dance with, and that might not be what they wanted to smell like for the rest of the day.

Shoes. You don't have to run out and buy dance shoes. Just make sure your shoes have a little slide to them: a hard leather sole, or a felted or suede sole. If you want to invest a little at the start, character shoes or jazz shoes are a good entry point. There are plenty of companies making dance shoes and dance sneakers, but wait until you get going. The right shoe can depend on the style you end up dancing.

Clothes. Wear something comfortable you can move in. Some places are more formal: a ballroom franchise studio will feel dressier, and people there dress up more often. Studios teaching social styles like salsa and West Coast Swing each have their own vibe, but most lean toward street clothes and athleisure. It's about you being comfortable. Go places that let you dress the way you feel good about yourself.

Asking someone to dance

Asking someone to dance is a simple process these days. Keep it easy: "Hey, are you free for this dance?" or "Would you like to dance?"

Don't run at someone. Don't be aggressive about it. And always keep this in mind: nobody owes you a dance. Ask, then listen to what they say, and respect whatever it is.

If they say yes, whoever did the asking, head together to a good open spot on the floor to get started. Keep an eye on your partner. You're a team now, so protect your space and theirs.

If they say no, don't take it personally. It just means they're not ready to dance in this moment, and that's fine. Not everybody is for everyone in every moment. There's a room full of people. Go dance with someone else, and maybe ask again later.

Saying no

Now the other side. I'm a big believer that you should always feel like you can say no, and you don't need to give a reason.

But don't say no to be mean. Don't say no because you've decided someone isn't "your person" because of how they look, or their age, or their shape. Say no because you're tired. Say no because you don't like the song.

And here's the important part: if you say no to someone, sit that song out, or go chat with your friends. It's extremely unattractive to say no to someone and then turn around and dance with someone else. That comes off as hurtful, and we want to avoid that.

So you always have the right to say no. Just be nice about it:

• "No, thank you. I'm going to sit this one out."

• "No, thank you. I'm not a big fan of this song."

• And if you mean it: "Not this one, but come find me later. I'd love to have a dance."

Practice makes permanent

Practice does not make perfect. Practice makes permanent. Whatever you practice is what sticks, so practice with purpose.

I only work on one thing at a time. I might get to two or three things in a session, but in any given moment I'm thinking about just one: my timing, my posture, how I get from this place to that place, the shape of my body, or where I'm looking. There's a lot you can work on, especially on your own.

Practice until the thing you want happens more often than it doesn't. The goal I aim for is about 80% of the time. We're not going to measure it (somebody should invent a device for that), but that's the ratio I'm looking for.

Practice doesn't have to be long. I'm ADHD, and long practice sessions aren't always my friend. But I'm great with short ones: 10 minutes, 5 minutes, even 1 minute, thinking about one little concept and running it 10 or 15 times. Then I'm off with the rest of my day.

I also give myself cues. When I walk my dogs, I check my posture: am I stacked correctly, is my core active while they pull on the leash? That reminder happens enough times in my day that my posture stays where I want it. Then when I see myself on video, I can spot what needs adjusting. Is my head pushing forward? Do I have a little "over the desk" thing happening? Am I protecting my knees and sitting in a slight crouch? Once you start noticing those things, you can fix them yourself.

How often should you practice? That's up to you. In the beginning, go for short bursts, more often. As you get comfortable, you'll recalibrate to fit your own schedule.

One last thing: your mindset

Dancing is also about setting your perception and your expectations so you can develop fairly. Give yourself enough space to grow. And at the same time, push yourself forward. Don't hold yourself back.

You don't need perfect steps. You need the music you love, a community that feels like yours, and the patience to let it become part of you.

See you on the dance floor.

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